


You Cannot Take My Voices From Me, They're My Friends

by tonystarkswallet



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insane Loki, Mental Health Issues, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Mind Manipulation, Misunderstood Loki, Multiple Voices, Past Mind Control, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prison, Sad Loki, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-13 16:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonystarkswallet/pseuds/tonystarkswallet
Summary: The days were long and uncountable for the trickster. He sat alone in his cell, staring at one corner of the room until one of the many unnamed faces came to retrieve him for yet another "appointment."Where Loki is kept on Earth in a SHIELD cell, instead of Asgard after the 2012 attack. His referred psychiatrist is baffled with each of their sessions.Join Loki on his journey of healing his mental health, and learn why he attempted to take over New York City.





	1. Day 11

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters will be added! :)

Today was Wednesday. 

Loki knew it was Wednesday because for dinner he got one cup of chunky mashed potatoes, a cup of boiled carrots, and roasted ham with gravy. It sounded nice. But tasted like shit.

The trickster was sat in his cell, on the stiff bed they gave him. The blankets were thin and rough to the touch, keeping Loki uncomfortable no matter how many times he turned in his sleep. 

He was in a revamped cell they gave him previously. His magic was kept inside of the cell, unable to escape. Loki was as good as a mortal, weak and defenseless without the aid of his magic.

There was no privacy, the god suffering through humiliating wet dreams and mental breakdowns, when he either exploded with a sudden anger or he burst into sobbing.

Loki mindlessly stood up once he heard the door's lock click. The door was pushed open, a guard stepping in and making eye contact with the convicted murderer. 

"We're bringing you down a few hallways for a session with Doctor Cyrus," the guard said. 

_Doctor? _Loki’s voice, Den, asked in a shocked tone.

Loki didn't say anything so the guard just walked forward, moving behind Loki. "Do _anything_ I don't tell ya' ta' and Agent Anderson will turn your pretty lil' shock collar on," he threatened. 

"Oh, I wouldn't imagine it," Loki breathed out as he felt sturdy, thick cuffs encase his wrists behind his back.

The god was lead out of his cell and lead down a hallway. Loki was silent, feeling the guard's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. He stayed calm, listening to his own feet hit the floor with each step.

Loki began to wonder what Doctor Cyrus was like. Were they a woman, man, neither, or both? What colour hair did they have? What colour eyes? Were their skin as pale as his? Did they have dimples, freckles, bushy eyebrows? 

They walked for sometime. But four minutes later, the guard pulled them off to the side and opened a door. Loki was lead inside the room, the god immediately taking in his surroundings as he was sat down on a couch. It was black and leather, his feet placed on a very white, fluffy rug. A coffee table was in the middle of the rug. The middle was glass, with a white rim and white legs. 

Across from Loki sat a middle-aged woman. Her grayed blonde hair was pinned back, black framed glasses nicely rested on her nose. They complimented her long lashes and blue eyes that crinkled with her kind smile wonderfully. In a way, she resembled Loki's mother, Frigga. Oh how he missed her. 

"Thank you, Agent Fray," she said, keeping eye contact with Loki locked as she kindly excused the guard. He didn't say anything as he left, shutting the door behind him. It locked, Loki hearing the soft click. 

"My name's Doctor Cyrus. What's yours?" the stranger asked.

"You know it," Loki told her.

Her lips thinned as her smile tightened, brows furrowing slightly, the action bringing out her forehead and cheek wrinkles. "Yes, I do," she confessed. "I guess there's no need to lie to you. You're the God of Lies, after all," she said. And then paused. "Right?" she asked.

"Yes," Loki replied. 

They stared at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time. Loki refused to look away, wanting to establish dominance in the situation. But she didn’t look away, either. 

_ I do not like her, Den said. _

“I just got the room painted,” the doctor began. “It was a pale green before. Now it’s a light grey,” she pointed out. “Grey is supposed to calm people and relieve stress,” she explained. 

“I hate grey,” Loki bluntly said. 

Her smile didn’t fade, her eyes flickering to an empty patch on the wall before back at him. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“What colours _ do _ you like?” Doctor Cyrus asked. 

Loki narrowed his eyes slightly, trying to figure out her motive. “Irrelevant,” he replied. 

She nodded, not willing to argue. She was trying to get Loki to trust her, not fight with her. “Do you know why you were brought down here?” she asked. “Why you’re with me?” she pressed. 

“No,” Loki replied. 

“Well,” she began, inhaling heavily through her nose, “I’m a psychiatrist. Other words for that are; a therapist, shrink, counselor.” 

When Loki didn’t say anything, she asked, “Do you know what that is?”

“No,” he repeated. 

On Asgard, mental health was never talked about in schools or on the street. It was disregarded, anyone with a mental illness seen as useless or a waste of time. 

“My job is to sit with people and listen to them. They can talk about their feelings, life, or anything that’s bothering them. And I’ll try to help, giving feedback or advice,” the blonde explained. 

“Do you understand now?” she questioned. 

“Yes,” Loki replied. 

“Good,” she said. “Why don’t we start when you were a kid?” the doctor asked. 

Loki finally broke the awkward eye contact and glanced at the wall, uncomfortable at being stared at. 

“What did you like to do when you were little?” Doctor Cyrus asked. 

“Read,” Loki said. 

“Reading’s fun,” she told him. “What kind of books did you read?”

Loki looked at her once more and glared daggers. “I wish to return to my cell,” he told her, wanting to flee the situation and be in solitude once more. 

“Okay,” she acknowledged. “How about this— you answer five of my questions and I’ll call the guard back in. How does that sound?” She asked. 

“Fine,” Loki grunted, immediately giving in. 

“Good,” Doctor Cyrus said. “What kind of books did you read?” she asked again. 

“Romance and poetry,” he grumbled quietly. 

“Those are always fun,” the doctor said. “Did you get along well with your brother, Thor?” 

Loki’s eyes fell to the table and they glossed over, mind drifting somewhere else. “Yes.” 

“Do you have a sister? Or another brother?”

“No,” Loki replied. 

_ I wish we did, _ one of his other voices, William said. 

She nodded briefly. “What about your parents? Do you like your father?” 

“No.”

“Your mo—“ she began. 

“That was five questions,” Loki interrupted. 

The doctor’s lips twitched slightly before curling back up into a soft, friendly smile. “Yes it was,” she confirmed before standing up. 

He quickly stood up as well, following her to the door— which she unlocked, Agent Fray waiting in the hallway. 

”We’re all done,” Doctor Cyrus said.

The guard perked up, but cocked a brow. “You were in there, what, two minutes?” He asked.

”We’re all done,” she repeated, letting the agent walk over and grab one of Loki’s forearms.

He was lead down the hallway once more, passing other guards and men and women alike in white lab coats. Loki kept his eyes locked ahead of himself.

But he was distracted on something else, trying to mentally escape his current situation by daydreaming or imagining himself somewhere else. Somewhere he was comfortable. Somewhere he was safe. And that place definitely wasn’t anywhere on Midgard.


	2. Day 18

"That must've been hard, suddenly not being able to see your boyfriend anymore," Doctor Cyrus said.

"He was _not_ our "boyfriend"," Loki hissed.

""Our"?" she asked.

_Good job_, Den muttered sarcastically.

The god tensed up, eyes still trained on the coffee table in front of them. He didn't mean to say that. She just made him so, incredibly...nervous. Loki could tell she was trying to get information out of him, trying to get him to speak. He was aware of that and it bothered him greatly.

He just told her about the first person he had sex with. Fandral. They spent many days together when Thor wasn't around, Fandral even spending some nights with Loki at the palace. It was sweet and innocent, the two finding comfort in each other. But all good things must come to an end.

Thor walked in on them one day, months after their first time. He freaked out, like he always does, and wouldn't let his brother anywhere near his best friend anymore. It was unfair. It was mean. And that's when Sage showed up. 

Loki gets a new voice whenever something bad happens to him. It can be small, or it can leave him scarred for the rest of his long life. It's a new friend. Someone else there to keep him company when he's alone.

"Was there somebody else in the relationship?" the doctor asked.

_I was_, Sage chimed, even though she couldn’t hear him.

"No," Loki quickly replied. "I did not mean to say that," he added. But she looked unpersuaded. 

_Liar, _William teased.

The way they ended up on this topic was well planned. The god had to admit, she impressed him. When Loki first entered her room, they discussed Frigga, then Thor, and all the things Thor did that bothered Loki. He mentioned Fandral and the doctor didn't let it slip by without a follow-up question. 

Today was their second session, a week from the previous one. It seemed every Wednesday Loki would be seeing her, keeping him occupied for a small amount of time each week. Even though he didn't like talking about himself, especially with strangers, Loki appreciated the new atmosphere. 

"I'm guessing that was a very long time ago. But do you ever miss him?" she asked.

_I miss him,_ Karr said. She was Loki’s oldest and kindest voices.

Loki looked away, suddenly growing uncomfortable from the question. So the blonde moved on.

"You said "our"," she mentioned. "What did you mean by that?" doctor Cyrus asked.

Loki continued to stay silent, completely shutting down. The blonde decided to try a different approach, knowing she had to get Loki to open up again. She had to make this seem less like an interrogation and more like a conversation between friends.

"Do you like to colour?" she asked. 

Loki looked back at her and she could tell he was interested. So she got up and walked over to a wooden desk, opening one of the drawers. She took out one large pack of Crayola markers and one small pack of pencil crayons, along with a few sheets of paper before returning to the couch.

Doctor Cyrus set the materials in front of Loki and walked over to the door. She opened the locked door after scanning her fingerprint and pulled the knob. A guard walked in after they spoke shortly, the agent making her way over to Loki to take off his cuffs. 

"I have the remote for your collar," the guard said. Her voice was soft and docile. She wasn't threatening, leaving Loki relaxed as she took off his restraints. Then she walked over to the shut and locked door, staring at Loki as she stood there. 

"Okay," Doctor Cyrus said, sitting across from Loki once more. The god quickly looked at her, taking his eyes off the agent.

"I want you to draw yourself," she instructed. "However you see yourself."

Loki's eyes fell to the paper and drawing materials. The doctor clipped one of the white papers onto a clipboard, and then handed it to Loki. After a moments hesitation, the god reached forward and took it from her wrinkled and small hand. 

He brought it to his lap, keeping his eyes on it as she spoke once more, "The drawing doesn't have to match what you look like physically. Just how _you_ see yourself."

Loki's eyes diverted to the boxes of pencil crayons and markers. "What are those?" he asked.

_Idiot, you really don’t know what those are? _Den insulted. 

_Oh, and you do? _William replied.

"Oh," she said, picking up the box of markers. "These are called markers. The other ones are called pencil crayons," she replied. "Markers are easy to use and pencil crayons take more effort. You can use one or both. It doesn't matter. But some people use markers as outlines, then colour things in with pencil crayons. Or just use the pencil crayons for fine details, since the tips are smaller," she explained as she opened both of the boxers and took the contents out. 

Loki looked at the scattered markers and pencils crayons that littered the glass coffee table. After a full minute or two of concentration, the god reached forward and picked up a peach coloured pencil crayon. He pressed the tip to his paper before creating a circle. 

Doctor Cyrus watched as the god carefully chose colours and added them to his drawing. Seven and a half minutes of silence later, a rough drawing of Loki was finished. It included his shoulder-length hair, green eyes, cape, horns, and signature armour. 

The doctor was about to say something. But then Loki picked up a pencil crayon and continued drawing. Cyrus stayed quiet, watching as Loki redrew the same drawing. But instead, the body had a smaller waist, bigger hips, slightly longer hair, eyelashes, and...breasts?

Loki drew four separate circles around both of the heads, all the same colours. One was light pink, another black, the third one grey, and the last one was green.

”What are those?” Doctor Cyrus asked.

_Us. Is she truly that idiotic?_ Den scoffed. 

“My friends,” Loki replied quietly. 

“And who’s that?” she questioned, leaning forward to place her finger on the drawing of the woman.

”Me.”

”I thought this was you.” She set her finger on the drawing of him and he soon nodded.

“They both are,” he replied.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t forget: more chapters will be added shortly. If you enjoyed, make sure to bookmark this link and return soon! 
> 
> All comments and feedback are very much appreciated.


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